I Love You More

I want to share with you how the Lord used a rough season to teach me what was important. I was having a hard time. My oldest daughter (16) just had a pretty extensive knee surgery, far more than we imagined. Our youngest (2) is going through a lot of behavior changes and having difficulty sleeping, obeying, responding, etc. My other two children were just fine, but the weeks were very hard and my frustration with my son in particular was growing with each passing day. I would wake up more exhausted when I went to bed because he kept getting up at night. Crying, fussing, wandering the house, whatever. I have been very consistent with the discipline of my children and I was searching and praying or answers, solutions and quick fixes. The Lord had something else in mind for me.



One night at 1:30 AM when he was up crying, rather than just sending him back to his bed, I went to his room and just rocked him and held him. As I looked in his sweet little face, I realized that I was putting my desire for a full night of sleep ahead of my precious son. I looked him in the face and told that little baby, "I will stay here and rock you all night if it helps you feel better. I love you more than I love a full night of sleep." I rocked him for over an hour. As I sat and prayed about this child and my own selfish behavior, I was reminded of another home school family who just lost their own precious son (18) to cancer. I know his mother would gladly give up her nights of sleep for every night if she had the chance to hold her son again. I had to repent to my son and to the Lord.



The next day, when I called his name he ran the other way. Instead of being frustrated, I did the right thing. I got up and went to him and reminded him that when I call his name, he was to come to mommy right away. As I did it, I said in my mind, "I love you more than I love sitting in my chair," and I prayed for the Lord to make it so. He did.



Today when I was visiting at another mom's house, he ran from me in the opposite direction, and headed around the house. I had to stop my conversation to go fetch and correct him, but the whole way, I could hear the Lord saying: "You love him more than what these other mom's think, more than you love standing here and chatting, and more than having your dream of a perfectly well behaved child. "



Throughout my days I have been examining my own heart and all the little annoyances have faded as I look at each one and remind myself that I love the LORD more than I love a perfect house, a perfect car, all the laundry folded, the perfect hot meal on glass dishes on a set table. I can put those things aside temporarily to pursue my savior in prayer and Bible reading. Also, I love these four children more than I love the dream of perfectly behaved children who never interrupt adults, make messes, argue with siblings, or embarrass me from time to time. Praise God, I really do love them more.



I know some of you struggle with some of the daily tasks of motherhood and home schooling. I know children can be frustrating and tiring, but I pray that my struggle will help one of you look at your precious children and husband, and instead of comparing them to your ideal vision, the Lord will give you a heart to say...."I love you more than this."



May God richly bless your families,

Malia Russell, www.homemaking911.com

Overcoming Bitterness and Judgmental Throughts

When I prepared this talk for Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, KY it was with much prayer and careful consideration. This workshop was part of a larger day called, "Spa for the Soul." Each speaker was to tie their talk to a typical spa treatment. When I was given the list of choices, I knew God was calling me to to share my own story. I chose The Hot Stone Treatment, Overcoming Bitterness and Judgmental Thoughts.
When it came time to prepare the talk, I spent more time and prayer on this one than on any other talk before or since. I wanted to be clear that my journey from being bitter and struggling constantly with ungodly, judgmental thoughts was not of my own doing, but of the Lord. However, I know there were steps that I took (scriptures I prayed over, poured over and cried over) and methods I used, given through God's word that helped me along the path to overcoming bitterness. Still. God lead me, God chose to heal me, but it was not without great desire and willingness to live differently on my part.
I still repent daily when bitter thoughts sneak into to my mind, echoing past hurts, or replaying current irritations and perceived injuries. I still have occasional judgmental thoughts, but I recognize them and repent quickly so that they are no longer all-consuming. If you would like to hear about my entire journey of Overcoming Bitterness and Judgmental Thoughts, we now offer this workshop as a downloadable mp3 or as an audio CD.
W hen this workshop was shared four times at Southeast Christian Church, I was astounded at the results. Woman after woman came forward and shared her story, her pain, the abuse or otherwise negative background they had suffered and the healing that had taken place. There were women baptized that evening in our church service who told me that for the first time they were able to unlock the bitterness in their lives and take that amazing step. There were marriages healed. Women left that room CHANGED from the inside. For months I received emails or a woman at church would pull me aside in the hall and whisper a thanks, or shed a tear as she talked about how God was working in her own heart.
Recently, I learned that a mom's group listened to this Audio CD in their group meeting. I heard amazing feedback of an incredible time of sharing and the breaking of the bondage from some of the mothers there.
Every time I hear one of these stories, I am humbled beyond belief and often brought to tears myself. The memory of living all tied up in bitterness and pain is still so real and vivid that I go through the emotions of breaking that chain in a small way when I hear someone else has done the same. The time that was spent in pain, in bitterness and bondage has been redeemed by the Lord and has been put to some small good. I can do nothing but praise Him for His work in my life.